lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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