i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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