I'm going to jail i love you
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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