did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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