i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
