How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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