I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
