genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
