he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
