his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Pooping to opera.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
