Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
someone owes me an orgasm
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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