I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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