she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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