I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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