As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
