arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
