Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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