It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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