The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My vagina just clenched in fear
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I did not marry a roomba.
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