Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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