Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
