I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
