i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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