You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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