how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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