We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I want to fling myself into the sun
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
