i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
