I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
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He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
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I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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