Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
