I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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