last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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