I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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