And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's blow job season.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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