I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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