I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
