It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
