Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize