Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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