I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
