Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
