The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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