i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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