So drunk, too bad you don't want this
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
