woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
