we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
