When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
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Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
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I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
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