you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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