You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Ladies don't puke and tell
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
