have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
