She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
