I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
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Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
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We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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