All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
