nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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