I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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