just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize