Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.