Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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