MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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