You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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