eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
