Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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