my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
