I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
