If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
