is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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