oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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