Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
