Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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