Well douche your snatch and let's go!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
