i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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