I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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