I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
