its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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