She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
this just has baby written all over it
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Found your dick twin last night
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
