You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
