You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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