lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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