i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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