I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife š¬
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Iām also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
And, by āmake you dinnerā I mean āhave lots of sex and multiple orgasms.ā So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
