I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
