Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
