All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
